thinking fight, fight, fight...

i heard the sound of your bike,
as your wheels hit the gravel,
then your engine in the driveway
cutting off
and i pushed through the screen door
and i stood out on the porch
thinking fight, fight, fight
at all costs,
but instead i let you in,
just like i’ve always done
and i sat you down and offered you a beer
and across the kitchen table
i fired several rounds,
but you were still sitting here
when the smoke cleared.
and you came crawling back
to say that you wanna
make good in the end

and oh, oh,
let me count the ways
that i abhore you,
and you were never a good lay
and you were never a good friend
but, oh, oh, what else can i say...
i adore you

all i need is my leather,
one t-shirt and two socks,
i’ll keep my hands warm
in your pockets
and we can use the engine block,
and we’ll ride out to california
with my arms around your chest,
and i’ll pretend that this is real
’cuz this is what i like best,
and you’ve been juggling two women
like a stupid circus clown
telling us both we are the one
and maybe you can keep me from ever being happy,
but you’re not gonna stop me from having fun.
so let’s go before i change my mind
i’ll leave the luggage of all your lives behind
’cause i am bigger than everything that came before.

and you were never very kind,
and you let me way down every time
but oh, oh, oh what can i say...
i adore you

i heard the sound of your bike,
as your wheels hit the gravel,
then your engine in the driveway
cutting off



yeah - it’s a little egotistical. maybe a little mean. but anyone has to know this is how i operate. you can do whatever you please, and you may think that it will upset me but most of the time - most of the time it won’t. i’ve had my fair share of high school relationship melodramatics and i’m surely not going to buy tickets to see the fake emotion show, especially not to please anyone else.

it has to be said. you fuck me over, don’t expect me to turn back around. i’ll walk towards something bigger, better than myself. maybe sometimes i push people away. maybe sometimes i am a little too drastic. but i will never be that stupid little girl who begs for you to come back. i will never be that girl who tries to force you into doing what you do not want to do. i am self-empowered and self-reliable... i can damn well take care of my own fucking self. i was once that girl - never again. it’s pathetic.

this is that spectrum brent and i were talking about.. my spectrum of codependency vs. independence. this is my independence - take it or leave it, love it or hate it - it’s beyond my control.