a blur:

there is a counter full of things-
of colognes and hair products,
a curiously placed CD and a tightly rolled dollar bill,
spare change in one soap holder
and a brown-speckled bar in the other;
a small collection of bandannas
and a few looming hats -
a set chaos of life,
transient and omniscient
in every Cell -

and in the middle of the chaos,
in a small cup,
there are two spazzolini de denti
leaning comfortably together in congruity,

and for the first time in my life
one is mine.

old blog posts revisited II - january 28th, 2009 (holy date memories, batman!)

a year ago, but it feels like yesterday. my own naivety led me to you; i have no one to blame but myself. from this, i have grown more than i could have ever possibly imagined - at no point would i have ever regretted that. but today, i reserve every need to remember and every right to be cautious and heed to my own instincts. an abundance of curiousity isn't necessarily the elixir of the wise, but it can be the catalyst to (possibly false) self-revealing epiphanies.
my heart was scarred - my soul was bruised. with time i healed - with time i grew. i will continue to grow. possibly the reality of life is not that one can fully enter into a matured state, but that each is in a constant battle to choose to make matured decisions. with time and patience things are answered.

old blog posts revisited - february 4th, 2009

insomnia reigns - consistently in possession of my sanity. nina simone reverberates in my ears as the horizon line appears dimly in the backdrop of my skyline windows. here, candles lit and leaving fragrant smoke behind, the breeze playing it's own melody in response; there, silence in the wake of shallow breathing.

i am imperfect. imperfect in the way that i will make you clench your fists in all the right (wrong?) ways. cocky enough to make one realize this but conscious enough to retract my ever saying it once they've figured it out. can't stand simplicity, but would die to live a simplistic life. contradictory in almost every way. love hands and collarbones more than anything else. a need for more than the ordinary.

most importantly - that i am a work in progress (not to steal ani's glory or anything). never believed in full maturity, never will. always the product of a constantly changing environment because one could fully never adapt to all situations with one consecutive idea. passionate. determined. sarcastic. imperfect. always imperfect.

but i am and always will be the fingernails you long to feel across your back, the voice you wish to hear in your ear, the lips you wish to trace. cocky - and in all the wrong (right?) ways.

remember, darling - don't smoke in bed.

things you leave in my apartment

the scent that i gave to you
that reminded me of you, even before i knew you,
the remnants of half-watched movies
and half-finished cups,

a bracelet dangling on the edge of a piano key,
the summation of desire and pulsation
spilled across jersey cotton sheets,
a note written hurriedly, in pencil,

detailing the psychological advantages
of veins running so volatile in space,
of molecules breathing heavily,
your smell hanging sweetly on my every cell.