steady, ready, breathe

quiet
brain
source
of eternal
thumping
conundrum
craziness
insecurity

stop

steady
ready
breathe

prepare
sometimes for the worst
but mostly for the best

(it's always been the worst
that happens
or maybe
that's just the way it feels...)

heart races
breathing fast
fever inducing
sweating lasts -

oh to be bothered
by the bother
of bothering myself
over the bothers
that plague
my brother

pause

steady

ready

breathe

struggling to say what i mean:

writ
ersb
lock

is a real
debbie downin'
piece of work
when you feel like

you have a lot to say.

like,
(academic default:
the word "like"
is a filler
and should never
be used --)
rearrage...

such as,
when i am
thinking about
all of the times in my life
your presence
would have been much better

than the presence i was given
and how
as much as i want to believe you
sometimes i wonder
if maybe someone loved
you first

and maybe one day
you will grow cold
and nonexistent to me
and for that very reason
i am scared

scared of the possibility
of being alone again
and,
don't get me wrong -
i am

just
fine
on
my
own

but
there's something about the way
you look at me
when you come home from work
and the way that everyone else
looks like a good friend
but never anything more

and i wonder where you have been
all my life
and why it took life
so long
to bring us
to this point

but fate blessed my broken journey
and yours, too
blessed the words spent
that meant
nothing
and the people
who faked seniority
and the cracked
and crumbled road

that brought us
to this
point

this quiet point
where i am more concerned
for the first time in my life
in keeping the placid shore
instead of evoking
the majestic
waves