i felt you in my heart ---

i need you so much closer. why aren’t you next to me right now?

i am glad that i’ve gotten you into tegan and sara in the last few days, because i want you to know that when i listened to nineteen the other day i thought of you (i felt you in my life, before i even thought to, felt the need to lay down beside you and tell you: i feel you in my heart, and i don’t even know you), and even more than that i thought of the night that i drove to where you were at 6 am in the morning just because i knew you needed someone to be there for you. you asked me why that morning as we laid in my bed, watching the sun come up. and i said i didn’t know. but the truth was that i felt you in my heart...

maybe i felt you in my heart those seconds that we had, those stolen glances, those are you really looking? or am i crazy? thoughts. maybe i felt you in my heart when we first made eyes at that party way back, last semester where i decided i’d take my straps off and tuck them in my back pocket. i don’t really know. all i know is that - one fateful day, on my way back from columbia (after a failed attempt to go to a band of horses concert) you asked me what i was doing and it was all over from there. for that day two weeks before - for that day in the cafeteria where you were sitting behind me - for that day where we laid in my bed until 8 am talking about anything and everything in between.. for that weekend when everything came crashing down and brent and i drove to meet you and i held you that sunday morning and the six of us watched the superbowl and complained about how shitty the weather was..

our roadtrips and everything else in between and i don’t know where i’m going with this, but i think - i know - i felt you in my heart, and still do.