got it all wrong.

4 am in the morning - reminds me of finals week last semester when wes, chris, melody and i played hide and seek in walmart and then fell asleep in mel's room because i couldn't find my key (it was perfectly placed between my seat and the console. i found it the next morning at 8, half-groggy from sleeping on her floor, imprints emblazoned in my skin from where i had laid). except this morning we bought care bear bouncy balls and a bra and i felt stoned as i sat with brent in my car, bra attached firmly to my head (reminding me of, in a way, a cat whose ears had been cut off) listening to louis armstrong and annie lennox and joan osborne and enya - anything ridiculous, you name it, we played it. i burnt the edges of my hemp bracelets with the lighter that was hidden in my cup holder. 4 am - indicative so much of my life that i love. the crazy situations and the people and the things that just make it so undeniably worth living. and even though we listened to gary jules' version of "mad world" (these dreams in which i'm dying/are the best i've ever had), these dreams in which i'm living/are the best i've ever had.

someone left in my truth box that i underestimate the power of my words. i wonder what it means, but i think i know (i just always tend to over-guess). sometimes i wish my words meant so much more to certain people. sometimes i wish people wanted to know me as much as i wanted to know them. sometimes i wonder - sometimes i wonder if this foolish game we play is really just a one-way street and i'm the one you trample on.

that makes no sense to anyone - but i wish you had taken interest. really, i do. i wish you had wanted to know things about me. but you never did - never will. so what's it matter?

"sometimes they aren't as anonymous as one would hope" - wouldn't life be better without anonymity? sure, it makes guessing fun, it makes life full of adventure, but... when do the masks come off? when is everything revealed?

all in a matter of time, and i guess sometimes we'll never figure it out, right? sucks to think that there's a week left and there's no possible way for me to turn back time.