the overwhelming anatomy of a college party ( the darkest night in mmc history - subtitle contributed by the lovely brent cardin)

things must be much more amazing (or, conversely, much more horrible) when one is inebriated; being sober at a party where everyone else is not must also be the easiest way to see the black and whites of situations.

being at a party when sober while everyone else is completely trashed is amusing, in a way; it's like entering the jungle when biologists are doing research on the effects of crack on wild animals. never stand in the middle of the room: the feeling is of an encirclement from hell, in a swirling mass of inebriation and heavy breath.

those that were, once, completely rational beings can often turn into the most irrational, uncontrollable beings in the world. those that you thought had no venom in their veins can turn out to be the most vicious in the entire world. and some can turn out to be exactly the same, just a (tad bit) more clumsy. it can turn the best of friends against each other. it can turn the worst of enemies into.. even worse of enemies. it can make some people honest, and others complete seducers of the worst nature.

i gave up drinking before i ever started, in a sense. after everything that has happened to me, i decided that a. i probably wouldn't like who i was if i ever got drunk, and b. i never wanted to be drunk. i have yet to have someone (publicly) judge me for that, and i hope no one ever will.

tonight made me realize things about people that i would have never gotten any other night. in some, hopefully things that will rarely (if ever!) show up in them; some that made me feel a little bit closer.

(strangely enough, i realized even more so who i would allow myself be vulnerable around, and those who i would continue to be guarded around. there are just some that you can trust tenfold more than others.)

"stay, lady, stay, stay with your man awhile
why wait any longer for the world to begin
you can have your cake and eat it too
why wait any longer for the one you love
when he's standing in front of you."
- bob dylan, "lay, lady, lay" (1969)