one thousand ninety-six

I

one: must seemed to been
three years; been here before
the sun rose at five

and at sixteen she lost
it, the seventh wonder,
trailing her with regret 'til
eighteen where she

curled up on the cold tiles
[didn't find her 'til nine
by then, was too late
to resuscitate]

t.o.d.: ten:ten pm

II

from the window, top story
brought out beneath blue blankets
we watched despite our horror
of what happens to little
girls who know no better

"it's a shame," newscasters reported
on the morning news, coffee
cups clinking on the breakfast
bar where condolences spread like
some rapid infection

and tears caught in the
tugs of her aging skin;
the only thing she had
left taken by the inability
to respect someone else's body

III

barely decorated cube of fabric
in the middle of commotion
that never seemed to end,
in the middle a head
too heavy to pick up

little white dots trailing internally
the indiscernible path of smiling
caplets washed down with the
dark lager of devil's fame

wonders how life could be
reduced to such a shameless
reproduction of careful chemistry work
intricately placed beneath our tongues

IV

grew up humbly, in houses
that were never my own
with bullet wounds placed between
his eyes, blood vessels snapping

to compensate the hate that
fell behind the finger's trigger
and the arm that pulled
that illusive, immortal life line

where jump ropes used to
smack black pavement in rhythm
falls white chalk, running right
in line with blood trails

V

and you laugh in my
face.. of all the places
you could have hurt me,
of course you know me

well enough to chose the
spot that hurts the most:
that's what you were always
good at, the pain that

burns in my blood when
i could only feel cold
(and one thousand ninety-six
miles to go, but only

one thousand ninety-five
will get me closer to
your frozen heart that stays
in limbo between being your

favorite secret and your worst
regret)