hurricane drunk.

the rain reminds me of the fractions that are left in my skin, signaling things that i should have or would have or could have been. they hang out half-haphazardly. they cry out to me every time the droplets hit the roofs in the city - it's like a bad case of arthritis or maybe just an injury that's never healed. actually, that's exactly what they are.. injuries that never heal. little cuts to remind me of what i haven't done.

usually i don't regret them. usually i continue on, leaving the maybe's and the what if's to life's ebb and flow. i imagine the ocean - constantly moving, never staying stagnant, always creating new ripples and filling in little cracks with liquid power. in life's ebb and flow, however, the science brings evaporation, bringing rain clouds in and... in the midst of it all, i'm standing with my heart on my sleeve in the middle of the storm.

i reprimand myself. remind myself that life's brevity doesn't make ample space for self-pity or over-exaggerated regret. no matter how much we like it, the earth always keeps turning, life keeps going. people die. people are born. gas prices go up and down. the government lies. right wing and left wing get in arguments over who's better or who's right instead of just addressing the problem at hand. people kill for money, power, pride (which are generally interchangeable). and yet the colors keep swirling together, day after day, creating the dark of the night, creating the light of the day, creating our skin tones and eye colors and hair colors. we're a collection of molecules, delicately bonded together, moving with the vibrations and hoping not to fall apart (which makes discrimination amusing. our "visuals" are just merely light tricks). and yet the world keeps turning - gravity keeps applying itself so that we don't fall apart. and i am in the middle of it, in the eye of the storm, reminding myself. continuously.

when i'm with you - molecules seem like a foreign discussion. the smell of your hair alone could be classified as heaven - even more so when you mix that with a coy smile. forget clichés - they could never match up to the actuality. and especially right then, with the rain hitting the shed behind the house, the windowpanes, the fence, the little cuts remind me. of the things i could have been - the skinnier person, the smarter person, the wiser person, the funnier person, the sweeter person - and how you deserve so much more than the incomplete person i am.

in the morning, the sun will shine. things will resume. the apocalypse won't come - not now, at least, or if it does then the one exception will have been made. but for right now, all i have is this. the storm, gracing me with it's presence, reminding me of my fallacies and my immortality and my ignorance. the best thing is - i'm not afraid of it.


and you can't hold me down
i belong to the hurricane,
it's gonna blow us all away.