because the misquotes are eating my legs

one paper down, one to go, three exams. finished my portfolio - took forever, but hey, at least it's over now.

the sun set today at 7:00 as we were rolling over the hill near my house. it was like the apocalypse and heaven all at the same time - whatever my conception or your conception of heaven might be. it amazes me how some people never think of these things - about heaven or hell or the lack thereof - because it's a constant thought in my brain. reincarnation? heaven? there's no certain answer. there's nothing than we can say that will surely answer any of our questions and yet we keep picking away at them, proclaiming ourselves "right" because we have to be "right" or we wouldn't be able to validate ourselves. what's so great about validation, anyway? and is it really possible for any human to fully accept the truth? what if there is no heaven - what if there is no hell? no reincarnation? what if it's a lie we continuously tell ourselves to soften the blow that our lives exist only in one realm, one place, one time, one century or decade or however the hell long you live.

i'd be scared to grow old. scared to be incapacitated. scared to have to rely on someone all the time to do the things that i normally would. i can imagine that, if i were to live to see myself become that way (or not see, who knows), i'd probably be bitter as hell. anyone who knows me knows that i do things for myself and insist on it. having to be the other way around? would probably absolutely kill me.

but for right now i'll enjoy it. my useful legs and my useful heart and my useful lungs - i'll sit out here on this back porch and take in every smell and breeze and every little drop of water that happens to float my way, because even if i don't have heaven or hell or reincarnation or whatever other-ly world one could believe in, at least i have this. and that's really all i can ask for.



i guess for me there's been few
who've walked up smiling and drawn a line
between so far and from now on
yes, a big glowing life time

and i've been disappointed
i've been heart-broken
i too have loved from afar
but we are 78% water
even our pumping hearts.
ani <3